It's been many months since I last posted to this blog. There are a few reasons for my absence. Firstly, my cognitive symptoms worsened and stayed that way for a while, so writing coherently was difficult. It felt more like pulling teeth than anything else, and if I couldn't enjoy it, what was the point?
Then there's the whole "getting a hell of a lot worse before you get better" deal that comes with Lyme Disease and treatment. For a long time, I just wasn't feeling like myself. In fact, it's only very recently that I've started to feel like my body and mind are in synch even part of the time. For more days than I can count, I felt like I was standing outside myself, watching my life go by. I didn't feel real. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon; it is a symptom of Lyme Disease and co-infections called depersonalization. There's also the feeling of the world outside oneself being unreal. That's called derealization. I experienced a lot of both. And, on top of that, or perhaps as a result of it, I spent a lot of time feeling as though I was losing my mind -- again, not an uncommon symptom of the disease.
It's only this past week or so that I've felt vaguely human and (dare I say it?) more like myself. It may last, it may not last, but I'll take what I can get. Essentially, I've found myself more motivated to get out and SOCIALIZE! This is HUGE for me. Lack of motivation (another common symptom) has been a major problem. I guess it makes sense considering so many of my Lyme symptoms are psychiatric in nature. So the fact that I want to get out of bed when I wake up, jump in the shower, and leave the house is a markedly notable improvement. That coupled with a recent increase in energy/endurance, have made it so that I feel more like a member of the human race. And it feels fantastic.
In 2 weeks, I'm finished with the course of IM Bicillin (intramuscular injections of penicillin) that started 14 weeks ago. The next step is to have a PICC (peripherally-inserted central catheter) line inserted and start IV antibiotics. I'm both excited and frightened at the thought of this. I'm don't love the idea of threading a line into my superior vena cava and infusing myself with high doses of IV antibiotics, but I DO like the idea of continuing to feel better.
So, onward I go.
